So, this summer has been a huge roller coaster for me. Just one thing after the other! Everyday it was something new, something else that tested my patience! It made me realize how much patience I really don't have. I mean, who would have patience after everything that has happened to me. Not having enough money to go back to school, possibly loosing my financial aid, work problems, home problems, etc. Any normal person would be completely stressed, and loose all patience they had, right?....RIGHT?!
Ok, maybe I have been overreacting a little, but I have every right to....ok I guess i really don't but I was sooooo scared!!! Sunday I realized how stupid I was being, and how I need to put all my trust in God, no matter what happens with school!
Yay...story time!!!....
Well Sunday night, my youth pastor called me off the stage, and him and his wife prayed for me. While they were praying for me, I felt a huge sense of peace, and joy....joy I haven't felt in a really long time! My youth pastor's wife told me that even if I have to leave Lee for a semester to get more money, that everything would be ok, as long as I keep putting God first. He will not let anything happen to me that I can't handle.
Moral of this story, I'm not scared anymore. I'm not saying I'm not going back to Lee in two weeks, or that I'm giving up on it, but I am saying that I'm putting all my trust in God. If it is his will for me to go back, then I will, and if it's not, I have complete peace about it. Whatever happens, I know everything will work out! I'm not scared anymore!
I still have not found out if I can go back to Lee or not, and might not even find out til move in day, but I have done my part. Whatever happens now is not up to me. I have so much peace about it though, and whatever happens, happens. I'm done crying about it, and I'm done stressing about it. God has it in control, and I'm glad I finally realized that!
8.04.2009
5.27.2009
So, it's 1 in the morning, and I'm still wired, so I thought, BLOG TIME!! I never thought I would seriously like this blog thing, but it kinda gives me something to do while I'm bored :)
There are a few things that have been on my mind lately. The main thing though, is how home really isn't the same when you go back. I have heard people say this to me my entire Freshman year, and the whole time I thought they were stupid, I thought "ha! Everything will be the exact same as when I left, it will only be 9 months later." Boy was I wrong!
I honestly almost cried the other day because I wanted home to be back to normal. I don't feel like I belong, or like I fit. It is very hard to explain, but I hated it! Nothing was right here anymore...but then, God helped me!
You see, I'm the type of person that hates change, so the slightest bit of change really bothers me, so when the one thing in my life that isn't supposed to change starts to change, it isn't ok with me! Home is supposed to be where the heart is, where I can go to make everything better. This was not the case when I came home this time. It was all different, I even found myself saying to everyone "I just want to go back to Lee, that is where I belong, I am wanted there!" This hurt a few people because they felt like I have replaced my Huntsville friends for my Lee friends, and this was not the case. I just didn't like the change.
Well, on with my story about how God helped me. I went to church Monday night for The Gathering (pretty much a prayer meeting for all you non Huntsville peeps) and I honestly didn't want to be there. I felt like no one wanted me there, like everyone thought that since I left for school, they wouldn't accept me back in. I know this was stupid of me to think , but I did.
At the beginning of it, I sat in the back, and I didn't even want to pray (Yes, I am aware that it is stupid to go to a prayer meeting and not want to pray, but that's how I was) and this is very weird for me. When has anyone known me to not want to pray? Yea, crazy, I know! I sat there, watching everyone else pray, and listening to them. I decided that since I was there and all, I could pray too.
I began to pray very quietly to myself, and while I was praying, I began to look around, and when I did that, everything felt ok. I felt a sense of peace, like there was a reason for me being there. Then the whole night was amazing. I was free to pray, and free to read scriptures in front of everyone, and even free to pray for everyone. It was great!
Afterwards, I went out to eat with some of the youth group (of course, I was the only girl as usual) and I was able to be myself, more then I ever have been at home before. I loved it. It made me realize, that yes, people change, and home will be different, but it is still home, and (I know this is cliche) home is where the heart is! :) I am going to enjoy every moment of my 2ish months left here, but I still can't wait to go back to Lee (I already miss those guys!!)
There are a few things that have been on my mind lately. The main thing though, is how home really isn't the same when you go back. I have heard people say this to me my entire Freshman year, and the whole time I thought they were stupid, I thought "ha! Everything will be the exact same as when I left, it will only be 9 months later." Boy was I wrong!
I honestly almost cried the other day because I wanted home to be back to normal. I don't feel like I belong, or like I fit. It is very hard to explain, but I hated it! Nothing was right here anymore...but then, God helped me!
You see, I'm the type of person that hates change, so the slightest bit of change really bothers me, so when the one thing in my life that isn't supposed to change starts to change, it isn't ok with me! Home is supposed to be where the heart is, where I can go to make everything better. This was not the case when I came home this time. It was all different, I even found myself saying to everyone "I just want to go back to Lee, that is where I belong, I am wanted there!" This hurt a few people because they felt like I have replaced my Huntsville friends for my Lee friends, and this was not the case. I just didn't like the change.
Well, on with my story about how God helped me. I went to church Monday night for The Gathering (pretty much a prayer meeting for all you non Huntsville peeps) and I honestly didn't want to be there. I felt like no one wanted me there, like everyone thought that since I left for school, they wouldn't accept me back in. I know this was stupid of me to think , but I did.
At the beginning of it, I sat in the back, and I didn't even want to pray (Yes, I am aware that it is stupid to go to a prayer meeting and not want to pray, but that's how I was) and this is very weird for me. When has anyone known me to not want to pray? Yea, crazy, I know! I sat there, watching everyone else pray, and listening to them. I decided that since I was there and all, I could pray too.
I began to pray very quietly to myself, and while I was praying, I began to look around, and when I did that, everything felt ok. I felt a sense of peace, like there was a reason for me being there. Then the whole night was amazing. I was free to pray, and free to read scriptures in front of everyone, and even free to pray for everyone. It was great!
Afterwards, I went out to eat with some of the youth group (of course, I was the only girl as usual) and I was able to be myself, more then I ever have been at home before. I loved it. It made me realize, that yes, people change, and home will be different, but it is still home, and (I know this is cliche) home is where the heart is! :) I am going to enjoy every moment of my 2ish months left here, but I still can't wait to go back to Lee (I already miss those guys!!)
5.05.2009
The End...
So here it is...the end of Freshman year. I didn't know this would be so hard. I have made so many awesome friends, and I have learned so much too. I didn't think I would miss it so much...the dorm, the people, the everything...it is so hard!
Since coming to college, I have become a different person...and better person. I am not the shy little girl that doesn't talk to anyone anymore. I am now the loud one, who dances in front of people, and the one you can't get to shutup sometimes. I love who I am now, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Let me tell you some things I have learned since coming here:
Don't forget to put the water in ramen, all-nighters are from the devil, Plus One really is the best boy band...EVER, you don't have to like 5 guys at one time...one will do :), Brittany Warth makes the best macaroni....EVER, Dance parties are the best stress relievers, wait...strike that....playing with fire is the best stress reliever, Don't be afraid to speak your mind, If you study you will do better on the tests, You can watch hairspray 50 times and still not get sick of it, Don't go to halloween parties with strangers, friends really aren't that hard to find, make-up isn't that hard to put on, it is possible to have an amazing relationship with God even when there is chaos around, Tharp is the best dorm...EVER!!!....
There aren't enough words to say how I feel right now...I'm happy, sad, excited, angry, and pretty much every emotion you could feel. I can't wait til August! I know this is probably lame to everyone reading, but it's how I feel :) I'm a very sentemental person....that's right....be jealous! :)
Since coming to college, I have become a different person...and better person. I am not the shy little girl that doesn't talk to anyone anymore. I am now the loud one, who dances in front of people, and the one you can't get to shutup sometimes. I love who I am now, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Let me tell you some things I have learned since coming here:
Don't forget to put the water in ramen, all-nighters are from the devil, Plus One really is the best boy band...EVER, you don't have to like 5 guys at one time...one will do :), Brittany Warth makes the best macaroni....EVER, Dance parties are the best stress relievers, wait...strike that....playing with fire is the best stress reliever, Don't be afraid to speak your mind, If you study you will do better on the tests, You can watch hairspray 50 times and still not get sick of it, Don't go to halloween parties with strangers, friends really aren't that hard to find, make-up isn't that hard to put on, it is possible to have an amazing relationship with God even when there is chaos around, Tharp is the best dorm...EVER!!!....
There aren't enough words to say how I feel right now...I'm happy, sad, excited, angry, and pretty much every emotion you could feel. I can't wait til August! I know this is probably lame to everyone reading, but it's how I feel :) I'm a very sentemental person....that's right....be jealous! :)
4.19.2009
Something that was on my mind
There are two words that do not go together. Those words are “complacent” and “seek.” When you are complacent, you are satisfied or content with where you are. You don’t really care about going any further in the situation. One dictionary says that definition of complacent is “A feeling of satisfaction with yourself or with a situation, so that you do not think any change in necessary.” When you are seeking something there is no possible way to be complacent. It just isn‘t an option. When you seek something you can’t get enough, and you want to go further and further, and not stay in the same spot. You want to go as far as possible, and you won’t quit until you get there.
When you are complacent you are, in a sense, lukewarm-neither hot nor cold, just ok with where you are. Revelation 3:16 says “So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.” God is not ok with us being lukewarm, just as this verse demonstrates. He would rather us pick a side, then stand in the middle.
God did not call us to be complacent but to seek after Him, pursue Him, and want nothing else but Him. The only way you can find God is if you seek after him with all of your heart, not half of your heart. Jeremiah 29:13 says “And you will seek me and find me, when you search for me with all your heart.” If you want to find God, you must seek with your whole heart, your whole being. Giving him only ten minutes of your day doesn’t cut it. That is less then 1% of your day.(Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m preaching to myself to. I myself don’t give God what he deserves most of the time, and it is something that I am working very hard on.)
People keep asking why we haven’t seen revival, why we haven’t seen the things God has promised. Have you ever stopped to consider that God is not the center of your life, and that could be the problem. That you are not seeking him with your whole being. That you are only giving him a small portion of yourself and that is why you haven’t been seeing what you are praying for.
If you really want God to start moving in your life, you need to start asking him to and seeking him. You cannot rely on the prayers of everyone else. Yes people praying for you is good, but you need to show some effort too. God blesses those who seek after him. You need to start seeking him with every part of you, not just a small part of you. This is when he will start doing things in your life.
I was praying a few months ago and God said this to me:
The complacent will never see revival
The complacent will never see the dead raised
The complacent will never hear My voice
The complacent will never heal the sick
The complacent will never know the real Me.
When you are complacent you are, in a sense, lukewarm-neither hot nor cold, just ok with where you are. Revelation 3:16 says “So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.” God is not ok with us being lukewarm, just as this verse demonstrates. He would rather us pick a side, then stand in the middle.
God did not call us to be complacent but to seek after Him, pursue Him, and want nothing else but Him. The only way you can find God is if you seek after him with all of your heart, not half of your heart. Jeremiah 29:13 says “And you will seek me and find me, when you search for me with all your heart.” If you want to find God, you must seek with your whole heart, your whole being. Giving him only ten minutes of your day doesn’t cut it. That is less then 1% of your day.(Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m preaching to myself to. I myself don’t give God what he deserves most of the time, and it is something that I am working very hard on.)
People keep asking why we haven’t seen revival, why we haven’t seen the things God has promised. Have you ever stopped to consider that God is not the center of your life, and that could be the problem. That you are not seeking him with your whole being. That you are only giving him a small portion of yourself and that is why you haven’t been seeing what you are praying for.
If you really want God to start moving in your life, you need to start asking him to and seeking him. You cannot rely on the prayers of everyone else. Yes people praying for you is good, but you need to show some effort too. God blesses those who seek after him. You need to start seeking him with every part of you, not just a small part of you. This is when he will start doing things in your life.
I was praying a few months ago and God said this to me:
The complacent will never see revival
The complacent will never see the dead raised
The complacent will never hear My voice
The complacent will never heal the sick
The complacent will never know the real Me.
4.17.2009
Day One....
So I was sitting in the lounge, and realized that my dear friend Pookie has a very interesting blog, and then I realized that Bmo and Christy has one too. Since it's Friday, and I have no life, I decided I would get one too. I'm new at this, so it might be a little lame...but we can work with this.
So Random thought: I absolutely love my friends here. I honestly have never felt more loved and accepted in my life. They make me laugh whenever I'm sad...and they can somehow tell when I'm sad even when I have on a mask that says I'm not. They make my life more interesting as well. I don't even want to think about the fact that summer is in less then three weeks. That isn't ok with me. The whole no school work thing is ok with me, but the being away from my friends for over three months, not so ok. They are seriously sent to me from God...no joke!
Speaking of God, He is pretty amazing. He is changing me, and doing things in me that I never thought he would do. I mean, I literally preached to my youth group....me, of all people! That was seriously because of God. He is awesome and I can't wait to see what he continues to do for me.
And speaking of things that are awesome...snowglobes are awesome. I have exactly 37 of them. They make me smile. Even the cheap dollar tree ones make me smile....happy times :)
In case you haven't noticed....I'm random :)
So Random thought: I absolutely love my friends here. I honestly have never felt more loved and accepted in my life. They make me laugh whenever I'm sad...and they can somehow tell when I'm sad even when I have on a mask that says I'm not. They make my life more interesting as well. I don't even want to think about the fact that summer is in less then three weeks. That isn't ok with me. The whole no school work thing is ok with me, but the being away from my friends for over three months, not so ok. They are seriously sent to me from God...no joke!
Speaking of God, He is pretty amazing. He is changing me, and doing things in me that I never thought he would do. I mean, I literally preached to my youth group....me, of all people! That was seriously because of God. He is awesome and I can't wait to see what he continues to do for me.
And speaking of things that are awesome...snowglobes are awesome. I have exactly 37 of them. They make me smile. Even the cheap dollar tree ones make me smile....happy times :)
In case you haven't noticed....I'm random :)
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